I open my eyes. It takes only a moment for my eyes to readjust to the early morning hours. I look over to see Kidalia, resting beside me, giving me a small reassuring smile, a small part of me pained at it, knowing she spent yet another sleepless night alone, I return a smile nonetheless though, genuinely happy to see her each morning. I give her a gentle kiss before I get up from the bed, trying my best to not have my hooves click on the floor as I go to the bathroom to get ready for another uneventful day. I look back to give Kidalia a small smile again before I gently close the door. I pause a moment, my hand still on the handle of the closed door, a part of me screaming that this wasn't ok, that something was going to happen, that she wasn't safe, that...
        I take a deep breath, just trying to keep myself steady, focused, to not slide back into old patterns. I turn away from the door and step to the mirror, I stare at my own reflection for a few moments. While I only had that Divinity for a short time, it still somehow felt weird to see that divine light lacking in my blue eyes, though it was for the best. I let out a small sigh while I grab my brush and begin to work on my hair for the day, my thoughts drifting as my hands follow the familiar motions that I've repeated countless times, and it begins with the same thought I have every single morning; There has to be something wrong with me, besides the obvious. 
        My life has become pretty peaceful now, for once. I have my family, Kidalia is safe, my children are safe, I have friends, people that care about me, that don't react with fear when they talk to me. I am no longer completely in charge of Vitrois, I have no real responsibilities here in Athan'Riis, there isn't any threat I have to worry about, and I am finally doing what I can to make up for my countless sins. And yet, it feels wrong, I'm restless, the lack of adrenaline in my daily life feels stifling, suffocating, downright boring. That has to mean that something is wrong with me. I even pause working on my hair for just a moment as a thought crosses my mind, do I just deserve this feeling, is peace impossible for me?
        I let out another sigh and continue working on my hair. It'd be fair, most of my adult life has been an absolute mess, I have to stifle a small laugh at myself, I had left home years ago thinking that I'd find my father myself and become some sort of righteous hero, only to abandon finding him, and becoming a despicable monster along the way instead, I am as far as possible away from what I wanted to be when was younger, of course I feel restless all the time now, I'm nothing more than a simple beast that can't help but crave violence anymore. I 'got everything I wanted' but how many of my original ideals did I have to throw away to get any of it? How many innocents were used as the foundation of my current life?
        I finish working on my hair and stare at my own reflection a few moments more, finding disgust and resentment in the eyes that looked back in the mirror. I closed my eyes and took another breath, and yet there was another aspect that made me loathe myself, that I'd do it all again, and probably with even more violence and less questions if given a second chance at it all, because it ended with me having Kidalia, Tez, Nat, Lia, and Remi; I'd do anything to keep them safe, even if I lose them in the end.

        "Hilda? You ok?" Kildlia calls out from the bed in the room

        I pause a moment only just realizing how distracted my thoughts had me, I look down at the silken ribbon on my rest and swallow more hate for myself as I lie to her again.
"Yeah, I'm fine, I'll be out soon." I shake my thoughts away and quickly finish up, I need to enjoy the peace and quiet, I need to try and just be fine. I leave the Bathroom to resume my uneventful day.